After three years of being single, I decided that it was time to meet some one new. I thought I would go modern and create an online dating profile. Big mistake.
I forgot that this city is filled with crazy ass dudes who don't understand boundaries. I am amazed at the amount of white men who combine their need to be dominated and their black girl fetish and channel them into creepy emails that make me want to file a restraining order.
Because I love my fans, I thought that I would share the best of these emails with you. Every time I get a creepy email, I will post it on my blog because the comedy gods command it.
Here is the first in a series of inappropriate emails I have received through this dating site. I call this one, pink panties:
Good morning! If you would come and be my Nubian Goddess I will wear your panties, a pretty collar, and a pink apron and cook you dinner, wash the dishes, bring you drinks and desserts, shave your legs, massage and kiss your feet, paint your nails, wash, condition, and brush your hair, do your makeup, trim and orally worship your kitty, and bottom until you're satisfied, hand wash all your dirty lingerie, take you shopping for pretty things, carry all your bags, and drive you anywhere you want to go.