What do you ask is bothering me? What could have my panties all in a bunch? Only some one who I consider to be one of the nastiest, most backstabbing, parasites in the entertainment world. A pariah, feeding off the misery of others in order to validate its miserable existence...Perez Hilton. Or as I like to call her "fat, predictable, queen with an insecurity complex". I know the bitch lost a bunch of weight, but she will always be fat on the inside. Lots and lots of fat around her little black heart.
Now I know that I am an opinionated bitch who speaks her mind. I know those opinions have not always been nice. However there is a difference between calling some one out on their behavior and thriving off the misery of others and/or creating misery for others.
I have been a fag hag for quite some time, bitches. Let me take that back, I am a fruit fly.
I have seen queens at their worst. I have seen a methed out silicone injected Rice Queen rip a Bear to pieces. I have watched gay men tell straight girls that they gave their boyfriends' a hand job (not because they did) but because they wanted to see that fragile, mid-western innocence wither away with each tear. I have seen a drag queen rip into another one for stealing their style, their dress, their cocktail napkin. I have caught a tranny, on crack, shoplifting when I worked retail. (And lived to tell about it) I have seen gay men act so vicious (when backed into a corner or an open plain) that they have made Bette Davis, in "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane", look like Mother Theresa . Let me tell you somethin, there is nothing special about Perez Hilton.
"But Miss Yayne, why are you so bothered by Perez?" Couple of reasons:
1. I'm shallow and he is really ugly. The very first time I saw his pock marked, pig face I almost threw up a little in mi boca. Now that he has lost that extra 400 pounds, his hideous features are even more noticeable and more repulsive.
"Oh Mr. Price, I found Frankenstein's long lost love child and he's gay and doing celebrity gossip.... Big surprise!!!"
2. Bitches like him have always bothered me. I cannot stand those that take good moments and use their insecurity to fuel hateful words that ruin the moment.
When I was doing the AIDS Lifecycle for the first time. I encountered some one like that. It was the first half of my 100 plus mile day and I was in line waiting for the porta potty. I was exhausted, I was covered in sweat and I was having a personal moment. (I know porta potty,personal moment, could not be helped.) I was proud and terrified all at the same time. I could not believe what I had done so far, I could not believe what laid ahead, and I saw that in the eyes of almost every rider and volunteer at that rest stop. I saw it in the eyes of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence that cheered us on as we rode that day. I saw it in the face of the woman with the sign that said "thank you for riding, my son died of AIDS". It had been a hard but wonderful morning.
Until some fat queen in a pink cycling jersey (that was several sizes too small) ruined it. Why are they always stuffed in clothes that don't fit? Why? It's not that you have extra pounds, it is that you are in denial and buying clothes that don't fit. You are not going to look like your favorite porn star just cuz you buy it in his size.
He had been standing behind me in line. He had something to say about every one and everything that walked by and none of it was good. One of my friends walked up to me and started talking to me while I was in line. As my friend walked away, Babu looked my friend up and down while snarling his lip, turned to his friend and said in between "yabble dabbles"..."how sweet that they let the breeders ride for AIDS". I wanted to say ..."thank you fat fuck for ruining a beautiful thing with your ugly words fueled by insecurity. BTW, HIV doesn't ask some one's sexual orientation before it infects them, look at Africa. Fat hubba bubba lookin bitch." Instead, I just gave him my famous death stare and turned around.
That is what Perez is to me. That person who's insecurity drives them to say the wrong thing at the wrong time and ruin a moment. Whether it's a moment of self realization, a speech at a wedding, or a secret that should not be spilled, this bitch is gonna say something and fuck it all up.
She is that bitch who, when they first see you, runs up (before you can say hi) and can't wait to tell you some awful thing about some one you both dislike. They tell you in a way that makes a 13 year old girl look mature and level headed. Most of the time it isn't true.
3. It is not his place to out celebrities.
If the passing of Prop. 8 has taught us anything it is that America is not ready to give homosexuals the equal rights they deserve.
It has only been 1o years since Matthew Shepard was killed for being gay. Just earlier this year in the San Francisco Bay Area, a woman was raped by a group of men who told her that it was because she is a lesbian. Gay bashing and "raping the gay out of some one" are the equivalent of modern day lynchings to me. Because of the oppression that many gays experience, it is not always easy for them to come out.
So it is not other gay peoples' place to force them when they are not ready. It is a personal choice and everyone has their reason for coming out or staying in. You are not doing them a favor. Just because you are in a good place with your sexuality does not mean that others are.
Plus you don't know if they really are gay or if it is just wishful thinking because they are so damn fine. It can work either way. But whichever it is, we have no right to force our way into some one else's private life, just like the Courts and Religious Right have no place telling you that because you are gay you are not entitled to equal rights under the law.
In a society that is not all the way there with equal rights and acceptance for gays, ruining some one's life publicly just so that you can be right and make money is a horrible thing to do. Even if you only out C list celebrities who don't have the money for a huge legal battle. They deserve their privacy too.
4. No one likes a narcissist. There is a huge difference between a confident person and person who is shallow and self absorbed. Like Kanye's diuretic rants about how great he is. Yawn... Or his temper tantrums that he throws when he is not given awards for his self proclaimed greatness. Side note: Kanye, who ever told you should sing on this last album, is not your friend.
A fat queen with a cro-magnon brow in a bold print jacket that doesn't fit well talking about how great he is, does not make it so.
Just like the little girl in the princess dress who is always interrupting the conversation the adults are having, to tell every one how cute she is. After a while the grown ups stop listening. Yes we all feel the need to be validated. But always demanding it is ugly, don't ya think?
So Perez, aka Mario Lavandeira (isn't that dirty clothes in Spanish?) here is hoping that you learn some respect and humility. Creating your success off of talking about or fabricating the misfortunes of others does not make you special. It makes you like the bitter, jaded middle aged queen sitting at the Starbucks in the Castro or doing a line in the bathroom at the Cafe. You are just another bitchy queen with a complex. What's the big deal?
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